Monday, September 11, 2006
For my dear friend Jack, you stole $500 from me, didn't you?
When your boss is driving you to work in the morning, you needn't worry about being late. The car will crash and you will hit your head against an invading telephone pole, temporarily losing your short-term memory. What are the rules to the game again?
Jack: This isn't a game.
Jason: Oh I disagree.
Jack: Unfortunately you can't. It's against the rules.
We have this disagreement often. Jack says it isn't a game, I plant thousands of trees around the base of his house in disagreement. In 80 years, when the pure fusion nuclear weapon is finally used in an attempt (unsuccessful) to curb overpopulation, Jack will be stuck in his house because of all those trees. The humor of the situation will be very similar to when a fire really does break out in the theatre and kills everyone except for that crazy cat. Wow that cat is crazy.
Jack: It's true, that cat is crazy.
Jason: Drat! I was trying to tell a lie Jack.
Jack: You are true.
Despite these disagreements, Jack and I are the best of friends. I have vivid memories of a speech he gave at some event. We were receiving awards for doing something good, or maybe it was a sentencing, and Jack was asked in parting to share a few words. He looked up at that man with the robe and said this and that about life, or maybe it was about where we got the pound of marijuana, and in closing remarked that, "My friend Jason is a great [something and something else and something else yet]... and that is how we got it." I can't remember the middle part but I'm sure it was all very nice. Afterward, I joined him at a party. It was a full house and everyone was so happy to see us. I embraced Jack and thanked him for the kind words. He said something in response and I responded to his response and we went back and forth like that for a while responding and responding. Three days later, we left the party. It was a swell exit. I was struck as I departed by all the metal bars in this party home. Why should there be so many? The owner of the home had terrible taste. I was also struck by a telephone pole in the head. That's the third and final time a telephone pole would attack me. This is because of some wonderful advice Jack gave me.
Jack: Next time you think you can outrun a horse, think again.
The truth is, I tried to outrun the horse for one simple reason: a rare, two-for-one angioplasty sale at Twin Cities Angioplasty. It's nearly indescribable, the effects of angioplasty on one's psyche. I told Jack about it once. I said, "Jack, if you're feeling a bit down I have one suggestion for you: angioplasty. It'll turn you from blue to red. The red is blood but don't you worry, that'll go away eventually." Indeed, the world is a better place because of angioplasty from Twin Cities Angioplasty.
Posted by panoptican at 10:02 PM